Knock Loud. I’m Home.

Two years of strength-building.
Soul-cleaning.
Streamlining. Throwing things away.
Cutting back, removing, erasing.
Making things smaller, tighter, simpler.
Doing things my way, by myself.
Being “independent.” A “strong woman.”
Accountable only to myself.

Two years of marking my progress: the absence of emotion, empty apartment rooms.
Two years of reveling in my love for shopping alone, eating alone, working alone, sleeping alone.
Setting my own rules and my own schedule.
Accountable only to myself.

Lately, I’ve been doing things a different way. Adding what I used to call clutter, stripping what I used to call strength.

Instead of peeling back layers to scrape them out, I’ve been peeling them back and filling them with feeling.

I met someone. It’s scary.

This is new. It’s fresh. And I’d rather evaluate it, analyze it, work through it than keep patting myself on the back because I’m able to read, emotionless, the steady stream of emails and text messages my ex-husband is still sending.

After two years of strength-building, I might be ready to strip down and Do Over. Again.

I’d rather shop with someone.
Cook with someone.
Work with my back propped up against someone else.
Start the day with someone, end the day with someone.
I’d rather stop being accountable only to myself.

*Paula. This re-entry is 200% for you. Thanks for tagging me!