You Keep Losin' When You Oughta Not Bet

One of my favorite photos of us was taken at my parents house. It's in the dining room, snapped just after we finished setting the Thanksgiving table. Our first thanksgiving together. His first time home with me, first time meeting my dad, first time touring the town I grew up in. We are wearing shirts in the exact same shade of blue and he's looking at me and not the camera. His arms are around me and we're dancing to 'These Boots Are Made For Walkin." We're laughing hard and a few minutes after that photo was taken he said he understood why I loved Thanksgiving so much. Being at my house was so much fun.

That weekend he learned about our family ritual of going to the movies on Thanksgiving, how everyone gets to vote for which new release to see and if there's a tie, someone always just changes their vote. He hung Christmas lights with my dad and then said he'd never felt so connected to a family. Before we left, we told my parents we were moving in together.

This year, he wasn't at the table, I didn't have a partner. But he still managed to insert himself each day.

On Wednesday: I'm going to miss u tomorrow.

On Thursday: I'd vote for whatever movie you want to see.

That one really pissed off the whole family. He still thinks he gets to vote.

On Friday: Almost 30! How does it feel??

On Saturday: Hope ur having a nice bday with lots of presents! thinking of you

Saturday night i went out with friends from high school. They know me without him more than with him so his absence wasn't shocking. I didn't have to talk about it. They got me to drink shots until the bars closed and we talked about music and TV and downtown detroit. I let high school boyfriend show me a better way to shoot pool and leaned against him in a way that said this is fun and nice and good for me but i don't need or want anything more. You are another version of my husband, unfaithful. We worked that out without words. He got it and it made me enjoy him all the more.

Today, he surfaced again. I know it's late but how about a birthday dinner next week? Name a night.

It IS too late. Coming off a weekend of fruitful shopping sprees, a pile of new clothes that fit just right, and beautiful strength from my family. Birthday wishes more personal than abbreviated text messages. He doesn't realize his place at the table's been cleared for good