One Word Tells A Thousand Stories

The system at match.com is set up so that meeting the man of your dreams is as easy as filling out a form. About me. About the man I’d like to meet. Favorite things. Favorite places. Turn ons Turn offs.

I cheated. I really didn’t fill out a profile for myself (why bother. Men will ‘wink’ at anything) Plus, it’s a big deal. Describe (sell) myself in 500 words or less?

But if I were to fill out a detailed profile to put myself out there, here are some things I’d be sure to include:

About the man I’d like to meet: he wouldn’t spell things wrong in his profile. If he’s not a words guy, he’d have someone check for glaring grammar mistakes. He would never use the winking icon - ;) when describing himself and how “goofy” he is. He would not emphasize his interest in someone who’s “spontaneous” and “adventurous” and “willing to try new things” unless he means that he’s looking for a woman who loves to leave on a whim for a weekend of serious rock climbing. He would never use the word hottie.

Favorite things: running on Saturday mornings as the neighborhood is waking up, smelling like coffee and griddle breakfast. My laptop. Brazil. Pouring the first glass of wine from a just-opened bottle. Spaghetti squash. Airplanes. Tivo. A book that’s good enough to read again. Making someone laugh. Waking up early.

Turn ons: it would be cool to date a guy with a dog. Preferably, a big one. Bonus points for golden retrievers with really soft coats. An impressive vocabulary. Men who talk with their hands. Jews. Okay…an artist with a trust fund sounds hot, too.

Turn offs: posting photos without shirts. And sucking in. sending a wink to my inbox asking for photos. corny jokes. fluid opinions.

Of course, some would argue the photo is most important. But my tolerance for bad writing is much (much) lower than it is for bad photos. Unless he looks like Matthew McConaughey. Then I think I’d let a winking icon slide. Especially if he has a dog.