Today’s action felt a little like watching marathon episodes of a lame sitcom. I’ll skip the part about waking up to my boss on the phone at about the time I usually arrive in the office and the I Love Lucy frantic hour that followed. Here’s a summary of two episodes.

I. Bridge Over Troubled Water

When I moved out of our condo, I cut all ties but one. I did not remove myself from the association email distribution list. I receive daily dribble, usually sent with red exclamation points to indicate high importance: Someone forgot to water the lawn on their day(!) Don’t forget we have an association meeting in two weeks (!) Someone noticed that the front door seems to be sticking and it’s really hard to open (!)

But today’s alert was worth my while:

DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHERE THE WATERMAIN SWITCH IS?

We have a major leak that seems to be originating on the third floor and we need to shut off the water NOW!!!

Hmm. Interesting. Third floor. That’s where our unit is.

About an hour later:

It appears to be coming from 6457 unit 3 bathroom or washer.

I have contacted Lucio and he is on his way home to turn off the water in his unit. As a precaution, it has been necessary to shut off the water main to the building.

If the leak can be isolated, the water will be turned back on soon.

I'll send an update on the problem as soon as possible.

Mystery solved. These people are vultures. He will not be forgiven for this scandal. Karma. Scene.

II. Said You Needed Time, You Had Time

I have dinner plans with a mutual friend from the newspaper (where he works) later this week. Loyal fans of the show would recognize her for her sordid history with him, her prime role in the unraveling of his first marriage. But yes, she’s a friend of mine. That always made him crazy, understandably nervous.

She recognizes her power to make him and the new girl squirm and likely enjoyed mentioning our dinner plans to him. He’s emailed to ask me why I have time for dinner with her but haven’t found time for a drink to “catch up” with him.

This from the man who still hasn’t apologized for sleeping with another woman. Who isn’t embarrassed to ask me out for a casual drink. After all, he hasn’t made his final decision yet. It would probably help if he could see me one of these nights, get a better sense of whether or not he’d like our life back. Who still doesn’t realize it’s just too late, time’s up.