Something I wasn't sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now

I'm sorry that for some, the torrential rain this afternoon was a rude interruption of an otherwise warm, sunny, early fall Sunday. It came out of nowhere and without warning, probably soaking people on bikes, in shorts, walking dogs

I may be responsible for that. I wished for something that might clean out the corners of this day, cover the ground with a little wet mud.

i did wonder if he'd remember our anniversary. And he did:

Hi.

Hope all is well.. Haven't heard from you in a bit (not that I need constant updates) and just wanted to say something about this weekend.

I know this weekend is going to be weird.

Weird. the man gets paid to write, his words are worth money and the best he can come up with to describe this weekend is weird?

I have mixed feelings about what to do. Of course, I would love to see you but I think that would just be too weird. What would we do talk about what an interesting year we've had?

the whole email is wrought with issues but this might be the worst. mixed feelings about what to do? about what? my suggestion that we get together for dinner? my hopes to reunite and "talk about what an interesting year we've had?"


The timing of all this was pretty shitty.
"All what?"

But I dont want you to think that its not something that I am not thinking of or will acknowledge. I drive by Amalfi all the time and think of what that hotel means to me.

That's the hotel where we stayed on our wedding night. aw look. he's throwing me a bone. don't give up, jess. i'm still thinking about it; i'm still considering it.

I don't know how to be any clearer about this, but last Oct. I was sure of us. I wouldn't have done it if i had doubt.

uh. no.

sure: unquestionably real or true and not in doubt

if you were sure, we'd be crawling into bed together. Now. Celebrating our anniversary.

The way I felt Oct. 2 was very special. Seeing you that day coming down those stairs (thankfully, not tumbling) was amazing. You had to have seen it in my eyes.

Again. somebody pays him to write. this is funny? light humor?

Anyway, just wanted to say hello and tell you that I will miss you this weekend. It's going to be sad being apart.

gee. thanks for thinking of me. no, wait. thanks for thinking to tell me how YOU'RE feeling about the weekend.