so i am coming home with an empty head

The last time i zipped my suitcase closed in beijing it was with giddy relief. i was going home, where the man i loved would be waiting for me at the airport. the last days of the trip were a countdown, an actual ache for the hug that would lift my feet off the ground, dinner at our favorite restaurant and an easy slip into all of our comforts.

Today is different. I'm ready to be on the same time zone as the office, to read a pricetag and know what it means but there is no longing; i could stay here.

Today's 777 is not like the one from sao paulo. it's not a vessel for champagne, movies and sleep, a long rest before the weekend. it will be coffee-fueled, i'll need to find the power supply near my seat so I can keep my computer alive for longer than the battery will give me. I won't recline my seat all the way back for optimal sleep and i won't drift off to mr. and mrs. smith.

it's a transition back; time to pore through my notes and create a shell for all these findings. time to panic about pulling all this into shape and to kick myself for nodding confidently when the client asked if we'd have this final by next week. time to wade through receipts and create an expense report, remind myself what's scheduled for thursday; a day that seemed so far away when i left. time to think about groceries and laundry, conference calls and a quick brain.

time to hole up at my parents' home for the weekend and ask for hugs that might lift my feet off the ground.