Do Over

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

How can you tip toe to the exit with your tapping shoes on?
How can you dance on the battlefield with your Sunday clothes on?
How long can you can you go along with this shit with a straight face on?
This from a friend. A mutual friend who works with him, loves us both. A shared friend, one of the people we’ll figure out how to split:

Honey. I had no idea. I feel sick about this. Are you kidding me? But I’ve seen him in the office a dozen times this week and he said you were fine. He said you’ve been traveling a lot but you’re doing well….Does he know you moved out? Are you ok?

Trying to get wrapped around this. impossible. when will he tell people – our fucking friends at least – the truth? Is he lying deliberately or has he unwound to the point that he’s drooling, flashing shiny crazy man eyes?

I imagine he’s having a hard time taking time to catch his breath and process all this while telling mutual friends that I’m doing fine, I said to say hello, and I’ve been traveling a lot but we’ve been making the most of our time at home together

I feel violated:
How dare you tell people that I’m okay. that I’m traveling. that you see me in the morning and at night and you know what my schedule has been like

Same friend, second email:
I just confronted him. One of the most depressing conversations I’ve had in a long time…you’re right. He doesn’t know you’ve walked away. It makes me sad to say this but it’s a really good thing you did.

I feel vengeful.
If you aren’t comfortable talking to people about your problems, maybe I could make sure everyone in the newsroom gets informed. I could take out an ad in the paper. That way, your colleagues, our friends, and your girlfriend would all receive the The truth at the same time. they'd even all be in the same room so you could just do a quick Q & A.
Far more interesting than having me just quietly disappear from your weekend recounts. Will you just have me traveling all the time for a year or so, before casually mentioning that “I wasn’t the one” and you “married the wrong woman” and….starting the cycle all over again?
After a record number of days without crying, her shock and protective outrage made me weak today. I can't believe he did this. Again.
She remembers my dad thanking her, at our wedding, for bringing us together. And she wants to apologize

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